A Segment of Being

Since I have become a worshiper of Sinclair at her blog Sugarbutch Chronicles, her lines of thought have provoked much in me, and not only in a sexy way.

Her questions, her topics they always get me thinking in come fashion or other and the post I read today "What's In Yours?" really got me into thinking about some things I'd rather not be forced to drudge up from the muck.

Still, it was wonderful for me.

I am a sexual being. I am a female being. I am a human being...and not necessarily in that order either.

 

A Reproduction.

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It becomes easy to poke through my days with my ever-present smile and to make the most of things, I'm a mostly positive person and it means so much to me that I can even want to smile after all that I've been through in my life so far. It can be healing to go back into the thought of the past and into pain, not to dwell but rather to look back, assess the damage and grow from it.

I am in the mood to heal, not to lash open old wounds and drown in the old blood.

I realize that I have not done things perfectly but I feel as if even the pain helped me to grow and to learn and to figure out my purpose as a person and a woman. I would rather live in error with moments of bliss than to danger a life of boring perfection with those biting moments where you realize you are contained in the absolute fear of losing it all to chance. Life is luck and agony all rolled into one and I find myself fortunate to know this.

In her post, Sinclair asked "What's in your box of darkness?" referring to a poem on her blog. The poem and her question really got me thinking and here's what came of it:

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The feelings too harsh to live amongst the light,

The tears that fell onto my collar bone,
The whispered lies they told me,
The sparkling diamonds the world promised me,
The glamor I’ve achieved by selling myself,
And the path that is not yet complete…

This is too much for one box to hold…so I help it out and carry it with me always.

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All of the above items are true and I feel as if each experience in my life has brought me along to the next one so even if I did have a touch of regret then, I don't harbor it now. the past can't be changed and you are never infallible. I accept my flaws and I make them a part of me to be loved and to be held close:

I am human being and I am a female being and I am a sexual being.

I don't confuse the order of those anymore.

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