Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010: Sex Resolutions

So its a new year in less than 24 hours and I've been about how different my life is now as compared to last year at this time; I had a boyfriend who I lived with, a girlfriend who I lived part-time with, a crazy awful job and I was having a lot of sex with a lot of people, so much sex actually that I didn't even have time to write about it (unfortunately for all of you) which is also something to amend this year.

Everyone makes resolutions and for the most part we look back on them with a bitter sort of humor later in the year and think about how pointless it was to make them in the first place. However, I still believe in at least bringing to light my more undesirable personality quirks and habits because admittance in the first step to healing or some similar bollocks, right?

This year my Sex Resolutions are:

  • I will not allow my sexual partners list to exceed 100 (...or is it 200? Oh no.).
  • I will stop flirting/kissing/blowing/fucking/sucking/biting/licking men that come into my home to fix/repair/install/update or otherwise assist me in a (supposedly) business-like situation.
  • I will stop wearing matching underwear/bra sets when I go out drinking/dancing/partying in preparation of possibly landing a bone.
  • I will masturbate more (...not really necessary but a great idea, yay!).
  • I will not become even more jaded when yet another ex hook-up/lover/boyfriend/guy friend/crush gets engaged and/or married.
  • I will stop naming my sex toys (because its like losing a friend when I inevitably kill the poor things within a month or so).
  • I will find a balance in my mind among church, classes, sex, work, making art, and friends and try to find more to be grateful for each day.
Simple things for a year I  hope will be simple yet joyful, calm yet exciting, relaxing yet full and above all happy.