Monday, September 18, 2006

The Bikini & The Handyman

I realize that more of what I write about tends to now reflect my present as opposed to my past, as the line of the blog extends.

So I intend to right this....With this post.

Robert was a handyman working around the house for my family doing minimal little things that flashy women like my mother cant lower themselves enough to do. Things such as painting little imperfections in our supposedly immaculately decorated walls, clearing out bugs, doing electrical work, fixing broken whatevers. He was like our house elf who peacefully left each day and left us in quiet reflection in our suburban home.

Water, sky and teenage nudity...What's a bikini for anyway?

Normally I have this attraction to in-home people and it seems a trend seeing as how I've played with my cable guy, a mail man (not mine!), septic tank dude, the pizza delivery guy, a title installer and an electrician. And its not as if I met these men out of my house, they just came to me as I rambled through my corridors humming to myself and -Whoosh!- there's a beautiful man standing before me.

Its really always been like magick to me.

At 16 when I was a virgin though, everything seemed magick to me about my interactions with men I suppose.

So it seemed to reason that Robert too would suffer the plight of my ever-present though at the time subconscious, in-home handyman type person fetish. He wasn't especially witty nor charming, nor was he a very tall or fit person, but his eyes were what got me. His eyes were sparkling green and so piercing that you would actually forget what you were thinking about if you looked into them.

At night I would think of what to do, would I engage him, or would I leave him alone? Would I remain the girlish Lolita, or the Lolita that laid with Humbert and looked into his eyes and made him surrender? I was puzzled and perplexed and after a certain point all of the thinking got to me and I decided to just let it flow fluidly to its end and destiny.

One night when he was finishing something in the backyard, I came out and dangled my legs in the pool watching him tinker in his immaculately organized toolbox. I looked out at the water and the sky and then I realized I heard no more tinkering. I looked to my left, Robert wasn't tinkering, nor was he looking at the water nor the sky - he was looking at me.

There was just a bit of caramel infused light that came in from the large double glass sliding doors that lead to the house to lend a golden color to his already mind numbing eyes. I laughed to cover my surprise and bewilderment and began,

So Robbie, what seems so interesting about boring little me tonight?

His expression became less carefree and more serious as his mind flipped to relay his thoughts,

I just really don't know if I can work for your mom anymore, its just getting more and more difficult.

I laughed, completly ignorant to his meaning,

But you just do normal easy house type things, how could it be getting harder?

He stood and looked down at me where I half lounged by the pool,

No, not the jobs. Having to be around you and not slip up and do something I might regret.

He took the five or six steps necessary to close the gap between us and half knelt in that way construction type guys do, his face just a tad bit above mine, his eyes blaring down at me. He smiled, he closed his eyes in what seemed a prayer and after opening them once again, his huge, calloused hand met my face, his strong hand cupping gently by my cheek and coming down to cradle my chin.

I breathed out deeply and looked at him, his grief stricken face melting in complex thought, his expression unable to relay his mind's lightening retinue of processes. When I smiled he somewhat lightened his eyes, but they were ever as steadfast in their existence of amazement. At least to me.

But it was only he and I.

When his lips touched mine I was so filled with shock that the moment was lost on me and all my careful thought and planning fell out the window like so many fragile eggs. I pulled back once it had ended and looked at him, my fingers quickening to my lips, touching them gently, with disbelief.

It wasn't as if the love of my life had just kissed me and I felt such overwhelming love and power that my life was now complete and I was lost to the interaction, I just never had felt his eyes on me the way I always do with men. I had never felt his deceit as he possessed my body with his fantasies as he plastered the baseboards or rewired the ceiling fans. His mind was like a steel trap that my feminine wiles couldn't penetrate, or least my intuitive ones.

I stood up without a word, pat him on the shoulder, smiled and padded softly to the sliding glass doors. As I slid them open I looked over my shoulder and spoke to him before entering,

Don't worry, this isn't bad, I just have to think on some things.

The next day, I snapped on my black bikini and hoped in the pool before he arrived, knowing that the backyard would be his assignment for the whole day. When he turned the back corner of the house and saw me peacefully lulling about in the pool, he smiled brightly, but then caught himself like a naughty child stealing icing from a freshly baked cake.

I watched him for a while, my arms folded on the side of the pool, supporting my lower half as it floated about in the blue water. He stopped for a moment and presumably feeling my eyes, turned and came over, kneeling again like he had the night before. I hoped he could see the outline of my eyes hidden behind big brown sunglasses, de riguer for the summer bikini clad teen. I reached my damp hand out and pulled his hand down to the water, his fingertips submerging. I turned in the water and treaded and looked over my shoulder, floating over the back tie for him to pull.

My mind quivered as I panicked, thinking what I would do if he didnt get my message when I felt the distinctive tug and then the release as the sodden fabric loosened from my breasts. I swam away and under the water, letting the top fall away over my head as I dove down deep. When my hands touched the bottom of the pool, I kicked up powerfully, my top half popping out of the water like a dolphin, just as I wanted.

I could hear his laughter as I swam back over to him, my half nudity freeing me in the water. Once again I came over to where he knelt and grabbed onto the edge of the pool with one hand, the other hand busied itself with the ties on the side of my bikini bottoms. Once freed, they too floated away, liberated by the sparking water to go on vacation.

I knew it was complete folly to swim naked in my pool in day light an in public, seeing as how my backyard is water and doesn't have a privacy fence. Though I was contented and having fun swimming about like nature intended with a man watching me, cultivating thoughts. I swam to the stairs and pulled my towel up and above the line of water as I stepped out, concealing my nudity and wrapping the soft warmth around me as I walked toward the house.

I looked to the pool and laughed when I saw the two pieces of my bikini in the water, without my body to cling to. Robert watched me laugh and when I motioned for him to follow me, he hesitated but his final urges got the best of him and slowly followed after me as I slipped in to the airconditioned haven of my bedroom.

It felt ceremonial to step into my room, drop the towel on the floor and lie naked on the bed, knowing he was on the way, twenty steps behind. I lay like Cleopatra perhaps, on my stomach with my arms folded beneath my face, my hip slightly turned so that my body curved like a snake. When I saw him looking at me, I felt almost like this was the moment that would send me to hell.

I was damned and my own actions threw me there. Though, I cant say that I regret it.

He sat on the edge of the bed, not touching me, but just looking and taking in the moment. His hands finally slid over my shoulders, down my back, over my bottom to my thighs, my calves and finally his strong hands rubbed at my small feet. I sighed so heavily, my lungs fell beneath me and when I turned, Robbie didn't know what to do with himself. He sighed as well, his facial expression so troubled.

His hands slipped over the tops of my shoulders and down my arms, the moisture still lurking there from the pool water like little beads. He used both of his hands to touched my stomach, caressing my skin delicately, innocently it seemed.

But like most men I've encountered, he began to slip on his control, he wanted more than just grammar school level petting. His lips slipped to mine and pressed so passionately, a sigh bubbling up in my throat behind our kiss. His hands wandered to my breasts and when his lips replaced his hands, he looked up at me with his eyes and I too found myself lost.

I arched my back with the excitement and that's when it snapped. Robert lurched up and stood, almost like he hand been burned, his body tense and seemingly upset. He rubbed his hands over his face, and spoke soft words,

This is bad, this can't happen. I mean you're a girl, you're a beautiful, sexy, womanly little girl. I just cant do this, I'm sorry.

And with that, he went outside, collected his tool box and left my house. I lay with a scrunched and troubled brow. What the hell just happened? My mind wandered and split several times, but the moment had left and now all I felt was bitter resentment and abandon. I showered and thought of why it had failed, the moment hadn't carried him like others before him.

I resigned to not think on it anymore. But apparently Robert did, I never saw him again as he called my mother later that night and told her that he had been given a full time job as an electrician somewhere. My mother had congratulated him and then busied herself with finding another house-elf.

Though, for me it was clarifying, I had found a truly good man....Or so it seemed.

Monday, September 11, 2006

No Rumors

In the past weeks I've been busy with classes but my mind has run rampant with the reasons of why I had always been on the prowl for older men.

I don't try to be naughty, it just seems to happen.

I touched upon the fact that in my tight knit suburban upbringing, gossip and rumors run like wild fire and a girl could lose her innocence to the public eye if one slip up was made. I was in no way going to compromise my social status to where I would be included in the dreaded group of the S-L-U-T-S.

I had powerfully needy erotic thoughts and proclivities that needed to be fulfilled and if sex wasn't really the focus until after I was 16, the power of an encounter with a man, not to mention an older man was remarkably empowering. It wasn't just power, it was an ego-boost that I could attract a confident, determined and already made man. Me, the singing bookworm actress who got straight A's and was seen as a beautiful, though shy, honor roll daughter.

I had sexual power and I didn't ever really need to try to activate it.

That was it, I came into my sexual own in my way, my secret way and that's the way I wanted it to be kept. Secret.

Older men with children, jobs, even wives couldn't spend time dropping their indiscretion to their fellow men, it would not only possibly endanger them, but embarrass them.

If you keep my secret, I'll keep yours.

So at times I kept my late afternoons free for exploring someone's sexual side, or maybe a night where my house was mysteriously empty to talk all night on the phone with men who in my daily life were figureheads. In the night and with desire, people change, their needs change.

Its not to say that my innocence was taken by terribly too many, but sharing your body does not always include that final invasion. I let them take little and gave nothing. I think it was always the height of emotion and the toxic chemical of wrong doing that fueled my activities with some of the men I've encountered.

Sex is a lot, but its not everything. The act of giving and taking was what represented the most for me. The roping and words were what mattered the most to me, and not the many colored options that abounded for the pleasures of the flesh. Not always.

In that misty room, I knelt on the bed, my soft kitten lowered over his soft lips, over his hungry mouth. My hands ran down my body, feeling the light vapor that clung to my heated skin, trailing down my hips to his soft hair, stroking his head as he pleasured me. My whimpers escaped but my mind wasn't in the act, it was in my disbelief that this is what I had wanted, what I had allowed and yet I couldn't connect. I couldn't care. He was lost to me and though as my body shook with a powerful orgasm, I didn't want it. He had already given up his virtuosity and he was a lost man.

Perhaps it was a misled attempt to weed out the bad from the good.

What good man would go down on a 15 year old girl who they taught music to?

Maybe I liked that wickedness, that I could pull the evil from a good man with just my charms and my lips, my body. I provoked the evil in them and let them pour it out over my flesh, feeding that spider-like desire inside of me.

Was I a bad girl?

Was every man I was with a wicked man?

Oh my, but I hate labels...

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Complete Blog Disaster!!!

Someone please pinch me because laptop was hacked, all the passwords stolen and my ENTIRE TEMPLATE WAS DELETED!

It will take a little while to sort it all out seeing as how my entire sidebar, widgets, links, banners, graphics are all deleted. This is more than just a forced redesign, this is pure havok. Please excuse the massive amounts of dust while I sort it all out and I apologize for anyone I link to: your links will be put back up ASAP!
I dont know who did this, but I've been hacking (dont tell the government!) since I was 12 years old and....I get revenge one way or another. :)

Update: 3 hours later:

Finally Ive reprogrammed the majority of the widgets and all of the visual (plus a new corner graphic, oooo sparkly!) so just be on the look out for when I have enough time to re-link to all my favorite blogs, post my feed buttons, intimategifts banner, site link banners, geo map and my stat counter!

Update: 5 hours later:

So basically everything is righted and I've officially given my self carpal tunnel. :) Most of my links are recovered and graphics and links are replaced and on and on. IF I HAVE LINKED TO YOU IN THE PAST BUT YOU DONT SEE YOURSELF IN THE BLOG LINK LISTS, leave your Url in the comments and Ill slap it back up. The problem is that I use the blog as my bookmark page for all the blogs I read...yeah, real genius, I know.


Monday, September 04, 2006

Tumble Me

After enduring a week or two of a horribly hibernating sex drive, my kitten perked up and I found myself in complete longing for one of those tumbles that remind you why you indulge in the first place.

Real women have curves, being a super-woman is also wearing a corset.

I hadn't seen gadget in a day and considering that we see each other nearly daily, this is a long while to be apart. The day before he had remarked that the reason I probably hadn't felt much like hitting the sheets with him was because I didn't feel sexy. I agreed with him immediately.

I've been rather ill lately what with the heinous side effects of my birthcontrol pill and now a UTI from hell with antibiotics to throw me yet more side effects. My sexy level was definitely low and something had to be done about that.

Two hours before gadget was due, I crept into the shower after brushing my hair the old fashioned regimented number of 100 strokes. The beautifully steaming water fell over me as I stepped into the shower, my skin warming to a blush that becomes accentuated when heat is introduced. I hummed as I soaped my flesh with oatmeal soap and thought of all the many things I wanted from him when he stepped through the door. My hands slid down over my shoulders and clicked over the metal bumps of my navel piercing, to my hips and over the slick skin of the tops of my thighs.

I let my hands wander down to my kitten, my soapy hands gliding over the scant hair there and the silky lips that lay shaven between my legs. I lay my head against the steam glistening tile of the wall and felt my soft fingertips smoothing softly, innocently over my kitten. My eyes shot open softly as I made the split second decision to leave it all to gadget.

When I got out of the shower I dropped the towel on the counter and looked at my body in the mirror for the first time in a while. My eyes lit over the swell of my breasts resting on my ribcage, my soft stomach and my generous hips. My face seemed very alive then in the steam streaked mirror, my cheeks flushed and pink, my lips wet and hungry for attention.

I stepped quickly into my room and standing in front of my closet I chose a short white and black plaid pleated skirt and a tight, black tee. No bra, thank you, but a pair of pink, French cut panties. I slipped them all on and after fixing my long hair into feathering, silky locks I streaked some mascara and eyeliner on. Oh la la.

I lounged on my bed, looking through photos of modern day, punk pin ups online ( and dreamed of lying with each and every one of them. Our hands entwining as my small mouth busied itself in the downy folds of their smooth kittens. I sighed as I navigated through the pages of girls, all with their own quirks and personalities thrown into their photos. Beauty is in the eye of the interpreter and I see them as very classic but modern in the way that women have found a place for themselves, even if they are different.

Difference is what makes us uncommon, uncommonly gorgeous.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the headlights of gadget's car pull into my drive, the light becoming dappled as it filtered in through the glass blocks of my window. I skipped to the door and as I was halfway there, the heavy chime of the doorbell clanged through my ears. My hand was tight at the doorknob and beyond the door was my boy, all eyes and lips and the heart that I love so much.

I mmediatly my arms were around his neck, my lips on his lips and his arms tightly around my waist. We kissed with a passion renewed and all the frustration of my sexual needs. I have a love hate relationship with cliches, I love to hate the fact that they're true. Such as this;

Love makes a kiss infinitely better than anything in the whole world.

In my room I knelt on the bed, pulling him to me as our lips pashed harshly against each other. His hands smoothed down and over my back, my arms around his neck and on his face. Rough and sweet and powerful and deadly filled with need. I pulled off my tee, my eyes never leaving his as they dipped down and took their fill of my flesh, inflaming his already fanned desires.

I had this well of sexual frustration and need bubbling inside of me, I wanted to scream out but still he kissed me, holding me closer. My small hand caught in the neckline of his shirt in my desire and pulled as his teeth gently bit on mine, his tongue lighting against my own. Finally he guided me down on my back on the soft comforter, he slipped his hands into my skirt and gently pulled it down my legs. His eyes lingered upon my hips and my panties, the soft little mound hidden by the silken fabric.

He knelt down my the side of the bed and slowly pulled down my panties, his lips lingering on my thighs before his tongue silently slipped beneath the soft folds of my slick kitten. His warm mouth circled over my tortured kitten, the heat and my own wetness fueling my need to be filled and taken. I murmured gently so he could hear me,

Oh baby, just please, just come here.

He frowned a little to have his orgiastic kitten kissing session taken away, but I needed him and his huge, swollen cock also told me a story of his need. As he knelt between my legs, his body pressing down on mine, my hips moved in small waves in need beneath him. Still a cry was held deep inside my chest, just trying to escape for frustration's sake.

Tears of relief nearly sprang from my eyes as he held me and slid deeply inside my needy kitten, his skin meshing with mine it seemed. His motion was fluid and strong as he moved within me. His hands grabbed at my ass, pulling me tighter into our embrace as my legs snaked and locked around his waist. My arms held him as tightly as I could manage and with his eyes looking down into mine, the moment became more than blissful.

My big brown eyes started into his imploringly, my mind ran with streams of begging that only a needy kitten can produce,

Please, harder. Please, deeper. Yes, take me as you wish.


I love the moment when I know he's about to come and when he does I'll feel the quickening of his thrusts and then his release deep inside of me. His come inside of me, hot and hard and fast. I looked into his eyes as his quickening came to be and yet again I felt that urge of emotion and need.

He says I make a face, a satisfied face when I feel him coming deep within me. It is satisfaction, it is my joy. Not only do I feel marked and happy that I feel enough about him to actually desire to have his come inside of me, but that our coupling has brought about his final ecstasy.

What can I say? Its an in love girl thing. I know...I don't get it either.

After things had settled, I felt complete and awake and still hungry. I felt as if this was the culmination of all of my sexual exploits and adventures, to actually feel this deeply fulfilled. Maybe its the great sex, maybe its the intense love, maybe its the actually functioning and supportive relationship. But I do know its result, my pleasure and happiness and that's what I've always been looking for.


Sugasm #45

My first BDSM feature! Wah hoo!

The best of the sex blogs this week by the bloggers who blog them. Spotlighting the top 3 posts voted by Sugasmer participants. Want in Sugasm #46? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Foreplaying pool (
“‘What say we make this interesting,’ I began while circling the table looking at the available shots, ‘If I win, I get a kiss.’”

All Tied up (part 6): The End (
“To cut a very long story short (well, not quite that short), the evening finished with me cumming all over Thirty’s beautiful body.”

Tableau of sensuality (
“Use your other hand to explore further South… tickle that sensitive area around my navel… stroke the silkiness a little further below… and then you’ll find that silky soon becomes slick, plump and moist.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Fred Wilson, Venture Capital and Pornography (

Editors’ Choice
Sexbit - Fundraiser (

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

BDSM and Fetish
Caught: Domination (