Thursday, March 13, 2008

Good-Bye, Gadget (?)

Just shy of two years, it looks like its the end of my relationship with Gadget.

It's all come down to this because of myriad of reasons and honestly, it shouldn't have drug on this long with so many problems going unresolved.

Gadget and I in bed in the good times.
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I think it all came down to being annoyed, agitated, and belittled far too much and on a far too recurrent basis. Gadget is one of those people who have come from nearly abject poverty and have built themselves up from it into a productive member of society.

He follows the status quo far too closely and pushes and heaves at everyone to do to the same...even if they have not asked for such assistance. In a word, he believes that no one is ever good enough and should always be pushing at their individual glass-ceilings. That works for some people but thats just not me.

Gadget is going to be 27 this summer and maybe he feels as if he has not got much time left to prove himself a man in the world. As for myself, Im a 20 year old college student/writer/waitress who is just in the beginning of her wave of adulthood and just wants to have fun, have a few lazy days between her break-neck work days and try to find who she is.

He likes to push me and make me out to have more problems than I do; maybe it makes him feel better about himself if he has someone he can look down upon.

My best friend (a gay male) (I only drop the fact that he's gay to let you all know he's not after me and therefore not giving me bum advice to get me single again) has told me that perhaps Gadget feels inferior to me and therefore has to build himself up and belittle me, all at the same time to make himself feel worthy, and especially not below me, in status and mind power. I feel theres a grain of truth in this.

I have grown to hate the way he acts, the way he deals with problems and how he never feels enough is enough. I feel like he doesn't make enough time for me and when I encounter problems his only advice is to "just let it go". I wish it wasn't so though, because even for all his misgivings, he's a good man who I know only has everyone's best interests at heart but who needs to be much more empathetic, less judgmental and above all, more understanding of the flawed nature of man.


Update: 3 days later and I'm still waiting for the pain and the tears...where are they? Will they ever come? I suppose its just as well to leave something without childish emotion following me. Would it be better though?

Update: A week later: Is this the right thing? Is loneliness worth it? Should the negatives override all of the positives? I'm just so torn.
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7 comments:

catastrophe girlfriend said...

Hey hun.
I'm sorry to hear of your break-up.
I'm 90% over mine and understand some. It's not easy but it's important to think of yourself and what's best for you.
It's a mature step you took - I'm proud of you!
xoxo
-catastrophe (ex)gf

Fat Controller said...

Sorry to hear about this, but I'm glad there doesn't seem to be any bitterness there. Sometimes it is for the best to look objectively at things and go your separate ways while you still have happy memories of good times.

You're a free spirit and you're clearly not ready to have your wings clipped just yet.

(((hugs))) F.C. xxxxx

GotMalkAvian said...

Aww, sorry to hear the news.
The reason you're probably not feeling a whole lot right now is that you already for the mourning out of the way before you even ended it. The same thing's happened to me anytime I've let a relationship drag on longer than I should've.
Ah, well... Hopefully you'll find someone new soon enough.
Peace with Honor,
Shaun

Anonymous said...

Probably for the best. In the PG (pre-Gadget) days, you'd have blogged much more to deal with the pain. Clearly, there still isn't much pain. Could it be that Gadget, for all his good aspects, wasn't particularly emotionally appealing to you, yet was good (initially, fantastic) in bed? there's more to life than sex. Orgasms are important, but so are food and shelter. And friends.

Anonymous said...

Update your links, please. MarriedMan's Fucktoy is no more, ditto for Designing Intimacy. Celibate Nympho went away 9 months ago.

la petite dévergondée said...

Anonymous One -

Your comment sends dual messages, or perhaps Im reading it the wrong way. The first few weeks of our relationship were charged with solely sexual bits of energy but as it matured we did fall in love. Our relationship though broken and in need of mending was still built on love and trust.

I know more than anyone in the world that love is what makes life worth-while; just because I don't bare the wounds of mu broken heart o my sleeve in my writing does'nt mean Im not an emotional person.

A confusing thing happens when you let others in on your life and especially when they are the most intimate pieces of it, they feel like they know you. However this isn't true, I'm still as much a stranger to you and all my readers as any woman would be passing you on the street.

Anonymous Two -

I know that the links are broken, I hold on to them for sake of nostalgia. :)


-la petite

Lil*j & Nawa*G said...

Greetings,
We should comment more *S Thank you for the link to our site and please update to our new address (http://liljgrrlanddaddy.com)

Anyway...My little girl was married to a "Gadget". He is insecure by your description and the only way he can, in his mind, be equal is to bring you down. It is a form of emotional, verbal and mental abuse. We both dealt with this with our ex's...hard to see when in it, but when you are out and done, WOW it is like a weight lifted off of you. That is probably why there are no tears, you were ready to be done, realized there was something wrong/missing and ended it in due time!

It is never easy but we wish you the best!!!!

Nawa*G & lil*j
liljgrrlanddaddy.com