Thursday, June 12, 2008

Gone, Gadget, Gone

So once and for all, Gadget is gone and I find myself single once again and shockingly, my world hasn't fallen apart in fact, I feel free and liberated. Life is mine alone again.

Warning: doctored stock photo
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After two years and two almost-break ups, Gadget and I are over due to me dropping a box of his belongings on my lawn and calling him to tell him he better pick it up. It was the nice thing to do on my part though, as it seemed like any minute it would be raining. Aren't I a doll?

It really wasn't all that dramatic, but it did happen. He picked up his box on the grass and dropped his key to my place in my mailbox. I was crying in the shower at the time but since, I haven't cried a drop and its only been three days. I know it's easy for me now because I've known for a long time that he wasn't what I wanted and it took some willpower to kick me into action and also a choice opinion from him to change my mind about him completely.

Don't you just hate when you learn something about someone you thought you knew down to their bones and it completely changes your opinion of them? Well, that happened along with all of the other mounting pressures from within.

I feel like I'm in a good place and that all this love lies ahead of me, not only with other people, but with myself and my future. I'm thinking about getting a job at a big newspaper, thinking about moving and thinking seriously about my sexuality.

Like before, am I or aren't I? Who knows but I have all this time to figure it out.

I'm sort of sickened that I'm so comfortable and not a mess after ending a two year relationship, shouldn't I feel more? All I can think of is how great it is that I'm single. It feels like flying.

I am sad for the end of it and he was a great love of mine who I'll never forget for as long as I live but his time was over and I feel it's a good thing, a very good thing.

After all, you don't need other people kicking you down who say they love you. This end is a new beginning.

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7 comments:

Tess said...

Endings can go either way; they can feel like a tremendous relief or like your heart has been ripped from your chest. And usually, at least for me, a combination of both.

Good luck to you in your new single life. And if you get to NY, give me a shout.

thesluttyduckling said...

Enjoy the singledom for now -- I think you're dealing just fine.

A lot of the time, when the end is finalized it's easy because all the work has been done. You've talked and tried to work it out and you've already come to terms with the inevitable. Sometimes the actual break up brings more relief than stress because the stressful part is truly over.

la petite dévergondée said...

I definitely agree with both of you, in this particular instance, the end is the exhalation.

♥la petite

Bucko said...

Merci bien d'avoir reconnue mon petit blog. J'en suis tellement heureux que tu l'a découvert.

Mais enfin, on est curieux comment tu nous as trouve (pardonnerez le tutoiement), MtD et moi.

Bisous-

L'équipe du Spin Cycle

Anonymous said...

On est tellement curieux comment tu nous as trouve (pardonnez la tutoiement).

B & MtD

Anonymous said...

Congrats on singledom. Since you are still in college as far as I know- I will let you know that, if you do want to work at a newspaper, also keep doing writing for the internet, in some form or another. Or try to get a job with a newspaper's website.

As someone who worked for a major metro newspaper for almost 3 years right out of school- I can tell you, it can be hard.

In fact, McClatchy just laid off people this week, including writers (plural) that I knew at said newspaper. I don't think papers will go away, but it's definitely a changing industry- and making contacts and having freelance work is sometimes what sees you though when times are hard.

Best of luck to you in blogging, school, love and all future adventures!

la petite dévergondée said...

Thanks love, thats very insightful and great advice.

I heard about the lay-off, print news is definitely an in danger media form but I have faith I'll find a place in it. :)

I'm not usually one of those endless platitude people but life is good.

-la petite